his is my first really serious scifi, which is a genre I rarely attempt. I love science but tend to use it in a very focused way, very specific, less general, and this is going to be a wild piece. I hope you enjoy.
......................Hubble Space Craft Control
A man sat at a computer desk, zooming in on an image from the Hubble telescope. His brow furrowed behind a large pair of bifocal glasses. Turning in his computer chair, he said
"Cheryl? Cheryl, look at this. Is the zoom messed up?"
A red haired woman now bent over the monitor, glaring at the image as if it had spat in her milkshake.
"I--don't...no. It's right. This is right. It's on normal zoom...." Cheryl bit her lip.
"So? There isn't," guffawed the bald-headed man incredulously, "Isn't...don't tell me there's a hole, a vortex in...the Milky Way."
"I wouldn't say so. But...look for yourself, Herald! Look. It can't be anything else-"
"Well, I suppose I'd better call NASA HQ," stuttered the astronomer, his gaze still frowning on the big black blob that seemed to have eaten the stars. Herald Smitherson pulled a cell phone from its case at his belt. His fingers lingered on the buttons of the number he never thought he'd have reason to call.
"Hello, this is Dr. Hensley," said a dry voice in the speaker.
"This is Herald Smitherson. No, you don't know me. But I know you, Dr. Hensley. I should have called someone else first, I know, but I think this will interest you. I'm sending you these images..."
"And...you're from Hubble...This is...this, excuse me. You had best not be sending these as a prank!"
"No, never, doctor," breathed the man.
"You mean to say there is a hole in the Milky Way that wasn't there in the last image," retorted the woman on the other end.
"That, that is how it appears to be," stuttered the astronomer, "That is how it appears."
.............The Jones Household
A man sat in his easy chair, his wife on the couch holding their two year old who still didn't want to talk.
"And now, NASA has reported that a satellite was lost yesterday. A large dark spot on the stars seemed to have consumed it. The army is looking into the possibility of a hostile threat that may explain both anomalies."
Then the screen flashed to a commercial for Dana's Doughnuts. The couple sat silently, musing over things they had just heard.
............... Nasa Headquarters
"And, what?" Cheryl Baker had enough of the questions.
"You, Dr. Baker, may sit down while we discuss this happening," returned a white-haired man behind a nondescript worker's desk as he shuffled in a large sheaf of paperwork with an awful lot of fine print.
"You told the media that there was a...vortex. However, it is likely just a blip on the images," he began to explain, his voice grave, low.
"Excuse me, Dr. Clemson, but the famous astronomer Dr. Hensly agrees with me. It isn't just some blip. In fact, in more recent images, the darkness has grown larger-"
"Larger? Perhaps it is a bit of rubbish on the Hubble's lense?"
"No. We've-"
"You have what? A blob in a photograph. How remarkable. My point is that there is nothing to be concerned about."
Then there was a knock on the door. A tall, severe-looking woman stood in three inch heels, her lab coat falling off one shoulder as her keen eyes scanned the figure of Dr. Clemson.
"Dr. Hensley, how nice to see you," murmured the male scientist, his face turning slightly red.
"Yes, nice to see you as well, sir," said Dr. Hensley, then, turning to Cheryl, she said "I have the lab results. They show the blob is of the darkest, most absorbing type. It is essentially a blob of antimatter. And, Dr. Clemson, it is headed towards us."
A pin could have been heard dropping as it hit the floor of that office, so shocked were the three professionals at this announcement.
"But--antimatter," breathed Dr. Clemson "is virtually...it could be volatile...or base, or--"
................
Greyburg NC, Toptain Middle School:
"The point is, class," proclaimed a tall man in front of a whiteboard, "That it's coming for us."
A girl in the second row raised her hand, tentatively looking to the front of the class as she hoped to be called on.
"Miss Thorn," called the teacher, his mellow, grey-eyed gaze lingering on her.
"I-I read that basically antimatter is...is stuff just stuff that they, like, NASA and the astronomers....don't--don't know what it is. Just like stuff that..they don't."
"Well said, Jinne. The fact is that antimatter, such as the vortex NASA has spotted lightyears away from us--the truth is that not even the most advanced physics can explain. It's essentially a blob of cosmic mystery meat that is being hurled through space towards the solar system." Mr. Gringer's eyebrows had furrowed themselves in, down, an expression of the utmost solemnity portrayed on his face.
A boy in the back whispered something to the kid beside him, then popped the question no one else had dared to.
"But Mr. Gringer--what does that mean?" Tyler Seemer, a usually ebullient teen was now serious as death.
"No one truly knows," was the science teacher's reluctant answer.
.................
.................
Two weeks later, the Gringer Household
“NASA and the Internation Space Association have met in London to discuss the vital details of our planetary disaster plan. So far, 93 nations have sent experts to the meeting, and several others including Turkmenistan are pending. Households are advised to stay updated on the situation while the newly-formed UN Space Corps has sent a missile into space to possibly destroy the mass.”
Tyler Seemer stared at the screen, wondering with fleeting, half-thoughts of disbelief. How could they just sit here? The whole earth—every one of its six billion people, waiting. Waiting for the end? How did they possibly plan to survive? What would happen? How could they just sit…?
……….
The next moment, 11:54 AM, GMT, London Hall of Science
“I belive—“ began a man in a tight, tweed woolen tuxedo, sweat dripping on his brow like a tan-colored car hood wet with rain.
Then a loud beeping rang out. All the men and women, seated around a massive conference table looked up towards the vaulted ceiling of the conference hall, their eyes, brown, jade, sapphire orbs, absorbing every slight sound, every slight movement, all the world flashing in their mind’s eyes.
The mass was in the earth’s orbit.
A moment later, there was total silence.
Complete silence.
Someone moaned lightly, and the spell was broken.
A sudden buzz filled the strange moment, and two hundred men and women scrambled for their pagers.
A hullaballoo filled the air, many people sighing, some wailing, with tears dripping down their faces behind thick glasses and under heavy bangs from the eighties. The air was saturated with liquid relief.
………………
Same moment, other side of the earth.
A congregation in a church looked up from their fervent prayers when a voice from the pulpit bellowed:
“It turned away!”
Another town over, a group of people sat in a employee lounge, their eyes riveted to the television.
“We are getting a message—what was that, Frank? What—Oh my God! It turned away!” exclaimed a news anchor, whom promptly threw her arms around the man sitting beside her at the desk, and applause could be heard in the background, beating away in a cacophony of hands, and soon everyone watching, everyone aware, began to do the same. The earth was still in orbit. Life still existed.
………………….
So I will write more to it As soon as i can. I am so sleepy right now.
But you-critique me out the door!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Wow. I liked this a lot. It kind of reminded me of H.G. Wells' story, "The Star"! A sentient body of antimatter is an interesting idea to posit. This is very nice, especially considering it's your first sci-fi attempt.
Really good, but got a little confused with the people....
Thanks for the feedback!
I've edited it a little.
Hi There Vox
I really like the idea of this piece, and you also write beautifully and eloquently which makes it a pleasure to read. That said, I don't know if it was just me, but I found your setting and characters very unrealistic. I understand how difficult it is to write panic, and I don't think that you have successfully captured the panic that would ensue if there was a chance that anti matter would swallow the world. There would immediately be a meeting between all the primary scientists of the time to decide how to act.
Also,
why is the student putting her hand up to tell the teacher what he just told the class? It's a little off-putting, and strange.
On another note, I really liked this line:
Really nice simile there
Hope this helped, and good luck.
Have a good one!
I thought this was good. I liked the concept and the plot so far. One thing I noticed though was that, especially in the first section, you said the names of people, but you didn't use them. I'm not sure if you were trying to create variation or something, but it seemed a little odd. Anyway, looking forward to the next part!